I would spend it like I spent this Halloween night. Trashed all to hell, hanging out with people I absolutely love and adore, and making a damned fool out of myself for the sake of other people's laughter and joy.

As for a last meal.... I would have Monica make me some of her curry. That shit was delicious.

The grass is wet and the world smells of green earth tonight. It's coming in through my window with whispers of ghosts and ghouls and inviting me to walk among them under the stars and moon and let go of my earthly cares.

You're leaving me here, dear
Alone with all your letters
You're letting it go, no
Like innocence and feathers
You're putting it down
Sounds slipping into songs
You're leaving me here, dear
Alone with all my wrongs
You're pulling away
Pray you're making the right choice
You're pulling away
Stay and listen to my voice
To my voice

Sooner or later you will long
When you wake you will see
Sooner or later all the songs
That make you shake will be by me
Sooner or later all the throngs of feelings
We used to appreciate will come rushing back

You're thinking about
How you thought you knew me better
You're looking around town
And wondering how I met her
You're pulling away
Pray you're making the right choice
You're pulling away
Stay and listen to my voice
To my voice

Sooner or later all the throngs or feelings
We used to appreciate will come rushing back
When you wake you will see

Don't wake me as you leave
Don't make me believe I have a chance in hell
Don't tell me what I know too well
Don't wake me

As you're leaving me here dear
Alone with all your letters
Don't let it go of your innocence and feathers
Now I find that every sound reminds me of our song
Since you left me here dear
Alone with all my wrongs
With my wrongs

http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/boondocksaints2/

IT IS MOTHERFUCKING HAPPENING! YES YES YES YES YES YES YES OH GOD FUCK ME SIDEWAYS YES!

Shitgoddamned. I've been waiting since I was fifteen for this motherfucking movie. That was when I heard they were throwing around the idea of making a sequel. I first watched Boondock Saints when I was eleven. Six years later, my world is a happier place.

Now to find a theater that will be playing it around here. WHO WANTS TO GO WITH ME?

Have an appointment on Friday to go back in to talk about food stamps.

Hanging out with Levon tomorrow.

I'm expecting a warning today because I totally slept through rehearsal, but apparently a lot of other people are getting one too because they didn't show up either. Lawls.

KMFDM is coming to Portland next month and I will most likely be way too fucking poor to go see it. I think that would be a nice present for Dustin. But it won't happen.

Now back to reading the Wheel of Time series. I totally found Wheel of Time jewelry, too. I want an Aes Sedai ring. http://www.fantasy-jewelry.com/products/Aes-Sedai-Great-Serpent-Ring.html

I have a job interview on Monday. Nude modeling for a website, go figure.

And I have been enrolled in a lower back pain study where I'm going to be visiting chiropractors and massage therapists three times a week for the next six weeks. Maybe they can figure out why I have chronic back pain.

Lock in and helping Mom move this weekend.

Yeah. Kinda boring, almost.

Uh... yeah. Not the ceremony itself. Dustin and I are still getting married, but we can't fucking afford a wedding celebration thing. We're too fucking poor, the water bill is going to be late by at least a week and the power bill by a few days, I've been sending out resumes and pimping myself out to the surrounding businesses like fucking crazy and I still can't seem to get us ahead. No one wants to spend 60 bucks on my DS either. Fuckers.

So we're canceling it now, going to do the courthouse thing with my mom and Sis and Geoff and Lyse, and then later when we can actually afford something nice, we're going to do it. Besides, it's still going to be on the same day, 17th of November, so afterwards you guys can come congratulate me and get me stupid fucking drunk for my birthday!

It works out, just not the way I wanted it to. But really, when does it ever do that?

This guy is a fucking idiot.

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/1l0ve

He's just here to fuck. And not in the awesome Mr. Clint's Rainbow Prison way. I say bombard him with pictures of herpes infested dicks and chlamydia saturated vaginas. It's probably what he'll be facing in a few years anyway, if he's not careful.

hows it going?

[12:14:04 pm]kabloomers:You're really dumb, you know that? Did you look at my profile at ALL?

[12:14:23 pm]1l0ve:yes

[12:14:52 pm]kabloomers:And what made you think I'd be at all interested in "something casual"?

[12:15:16 pm]1l0ve:look at what your looking for retard

[12:15:42 pm]kabloomers:Oh, I know what I checked off

[12:16:14 pm]1l0ve:so do I, but I'm really dumb

[12:16:25 pm]kabloomers:It's like on Myspace, you check EVERYTHING so that no one excludes you from searches

[12:16:42 pm]kabloomers:Doesn't really mean that I'm looking for it

[12:17:30 pm]1l0ve:whatever, have a great day, hit me up if you wanted to cum

[12:18:05 pm]kabloomers:Oh, trust me sweetie, no problem there. My finger can satisfy me a hell of a lot better than you can, I promise

[12:18:25 pm]1l0ve:thats a lie and we both know it

[12:18:37 pm]kabloomers:Aww, that's cute, someone's insecure

[12:18:53 pm]kabloomers:Well, my finger does get tired. My vibrating dildo, on the other hand, runs as long as I need it to

[12:18:57 pm]1l0ve:no, I'm actually quite confident

[12:19:15 pm]kabloomers:And that's why you're on the internet trolling chicks with the stupidest message ever

[12:19:38 pm]kabloomers:Seriously. REAL "Confidant" guys don't hide behind a computer screen when it comes to trying to pick up chicks

[12:19:47 pm]1l0ve:I'm in town for one night what do I give a fuck

[12:20:27 pm]1l0ve:your ignorant to the situation, but keep talking like you know about shit

[12:20:32 pm]kabloomers:Are there not bars where you are? 'Cause I garuntee you all you'd have to do is start talking to a chick at a bar and she'd at least give you a handjob in your car

[12:20:47 pm]kabloomers:I'm ignorant? At least I can use proper puncuation and grammar

[12:21:28 pm]kabloomers:And yeah, I know about shit. Being a nanny for primarly under two year old children gets you rather well aquainted with 'shit', as you say

[12:21:31 pm]1l0ve:congrats you get an A in internet spelling

[12:21:53 pm]1l0ve:I want to fuck you so hard till you cry

[12:21:53 pm]kabloomers:If you present yourself as an idiot, you're going to get treated like one, especially on the internet

[12:22:27 pm]kabloomers:Cute, really

[12:22:48 pm]kabloomers:I haven't cried during sex since my uncle Bobby visited me when I was seven

[12:22:58 pm]1l0ve:thats hot

[12:23:29 pm]kabloomers:Wow, I'm bored now. Not even pretending to be molested as a child will get rid of you. That's really gross.

[12:24:33 pm]1l0ve:I don't understand why your still typing to me if you don't want to get fucked

[12:25:03 pm]kabloomers:Mostly because I'm bored and telling you you're a fucking idiot is rather entertaining

[12:25:36 pm]1l0ve:I'm happy to appease you

[12:25:49 pm]kabloomers:You're totally going on okc_snark

[12:26:00 pm]kabloomers:I'm not even the worst of the people there, trust me.

[12:26:27 pm]1l0ve:what is snark

[12:26:35 pm]kabloomers:Remember me fondly when your inbox is flooded with pictures of dicks
this profile means nothing to me, I could care less

[12:27:47 pm]1l0ve:I don't try and pick up girlfriends on here, I fuck from this site and that is all

[12:27:48 pm]kabloomers:Good for you

So apparently there was only a very thin layer of scar tissue over the labret piercing on the inside of my lip, and the night before last after a few shots of Ullr and some vodka with Seth and Victoria, I decided to dig out an old piece of jewelry and just shove it right on in. My friends who know way more about piercings than I ever will are most likely going to yell at me, but it's been two days and it's acting completely normal, as if I never stopped wearing jewelry in it at all.

Hung out with Levon yesterday. Had the Hooburrito at Denny's. Don't fucking eat any of Denny's Rockstar Inspired dishes. If the rest of them are anything like the Hooburrito in quality, then they all fucking suck and will make you sick. I'd say just don't go to Denny's.

Uh... found out that my hair is long enough to pull back into one of those little fashion pomps that became popular for a while, and put into ponytails, but it will only look good if I weigh it down with tons of hairspray and then my scalp screams at me all day long, so I think I'll wait a little longer before attempting that again. I undid the 'do four hours ago and my scalp is still sore and achey.

Nobody wants to buy my DS. I'm willing to go as low as 75, but bitches, trade ain't going to pay my bills, so stop offering me your shitty stuff. I would accept a laptop, however, I really would.

I've had a song stuck in my head for the past three days, and all I can remember is the tune. No words. Which makes it rather hard to try and find out what it is. It's excruciatingly annoying.

High points include:

- Waitress: What're you getting today?
Me: Oh, I didn't know I was allowed to eat anything today.
Levon: Well, you've been on your best behavior, so order whatever you want. *laughs*

I'm pretty sure that the rather shoddy service afterwards was because we might have freaked her out a little.

- The bill had come, but we kept drinking coffee and eating our food and talking, so Levon ended up just randomly folding the bill in weird ways until it was this strange contraption, and then he gave it to the counter person so we could pay and GTFO.

Me: What did you do to the bill?
Levon: What? I'm Asian. It's in my blood to make origami out of anything paper.
Cue me laughing my ass off and the counter person getting extremely confused.

- Levon pushing me across the floor frantically and me laughing my ass off.

- Getting offered hot dogs and alcohol by some of his neighbors when we were outside having a cigarette. Good people, but not my people, yanno. They like ICP. Eeek.

So yeah... basically met a guy on OkCupid (where I had made a profile with the intention of fucking with people when I'm bored. Trolling, so to speak.) and he contacted me even though my profile reads like a bitter old woman, we ended up talking on IM, and he was actually a really cool guy so we exchanged numbers and ended up going out to coffee at seven am out in Beaverton. What was supposed to be a maybe hour and a half coffee date ended up being an all day long hang out session and I made a new friend. So I'm pretty happy.

Today has been pretty lazy. Getting over the sick, I think, as my nose has stopped running so fiercely and even though I still sound like an eighty year old woman who smokes a pack a day, I'm not coughing as much. My bones still hurt and I went to bed and woke up with a headache, but that's what Excedrin and Asprin are for, right? Spent most of the day lazing about on the internet and then Dustin and I made our way through most of Aeon Flux because he remembered that he had it downloaded on the computer. Managed to get the speakers working for things we've downloaded, but sound from a web browser still isn't working so Dustin's probably going to wipe the hard drive and start out from scratch and see if that helps.

Been eating a lot of brown rice lately. It's different, but not bad, and it keeps me from being hungry a lot less than eating white rice, so that's good. All in all, I've had a good weekend and that makes me happy.

http://www.13.waisays.com/clitoral.htm

Came across this article because of Stumbleupon and I have to say that it left me with a "WTF?" look on my face.

According to this article, all of the orgasms I've been having for the past five years have been in my head and fake because "There is no functional connection what so ever between sexual intercourse and female orgasm. And to many women that is not a surprise, because there is no way women in general can obtain orgasm through being penetrated." Also " the only spot that can give all women a real orgasm, is the clitoris." Real is in italics, so they know their stuff, obviously.

No way. NO WAY? I didn't have my first clitoral orgasm until three months ago. I HAVE been orgasming through vagina penetration with my clit being completely ignored, for five years.

Ugh. Don't even get me started on a few of the 'facts' in there besides clitoral orgasms being the only way women come.

"Like you need a compass sailing at open sea ; every once and a while you have to check the compass, and adjust your course. Without orgasms, your ship may sail way off course, causing a bacterial infection, a physically caused lack of interest, obesity, nervous breakdowns, psychotic behavior or even breast cancer."

OH WOW! Apparently if I don't have sex enough and don't have enough clitoral orgasms, I COULD GET TEH BREAST CANCERS! Or become psychotic. Or fat.

" A perfect orgasm can only be obtained from total relaxation. Sitting on top of the man is not relaxing ; you need to use your muscles and your intestines are troubled by the unnatural penetration. To obtain a perfect orgasm you need to lie down and relax, to enable orgasmic contraction of as many muscles, instead of muscle contractions enforced by your conscious mind."

Sitting on top of my man is the hottest fucking thing EVER. Also the main way of my having orgasms since I was sixteen. He has access to my nipples, my hips and ass which he loves to grab, and my clit if he ever feels like playing with it. Laying down.... not so much access to ANY OF THAT. Also, how the fuck is anything other than missionary "unnatural penetration"?

Sex is dirty. It's sweaty and passionate and messy and often times funny in the good way. If you're completely relaxed and not doing much of anything, you're not having sex. If you're not an active partner, it's all a one way road and really that's no fun and you're likely to be labeled a bad lay. (Unless it's the Tantric breathing sex, which is a whole crates and barrels that I don't quite understand and mean to research to see if maybe it's something I can get into the swing with.)

And after that last quote, the article basically goes downhill from there. Who the fuck BELIEVES this absolute bullshit, much less writes it? Oh... there's also an article called " 'Genetic' is a lie" which is about how the medicine companies are just out to get your money and that Diabetes 1 that runs in your family REALLY DOES NOT RUN IN YOUR FAMILY IT IS JUST THE GOVERNMENT STEALING ALL OF YOUR MONEY FROM YOU!

Wow. What a wonderful way to end a super shitty night.

I managed to fuck up my back. Again. I'm continuing the hope that it's not a slipped disk or pinched nerve, though my understanding is that if it was either of those, the pain would be continued, not an off and on sort of thing.

Needless to say, I haven't done much of anything today. Victoria gave me some of her muscle relaxants last night and they helped some. Also knocked me on my ass, which was okay since I hadn't made any plans today anyway.

As soon as we get health insurance, I am going to the doctor and running the gamut of tests.

I also wish that this little heat wave would be over with. It's not as back as Ragnahot was, but it's still damned uncomfortable. Gimme cold any day, I'll slap on two pairs of socks and some thermals and go play in the snow. When it's hot, I just melt and my will to do anything disappears.

Hot and humid places, they are not for me.

I've never seen any of the games that frat boys play at parties, like beer pong and the run and chug, so seeing them for the first time at the HOB's Beer Oympics will always be a fond memory for me.

Some highlights:

- Lara on tattoos, drunk: "You should get an imaginary animal, like a Gryffindor!"

- Watching someone immediately spit back up all the beer they'd just chugged.

- Watching Murphy and Scotty fall. Strangely graceful.

- David breaking the overhead lamp when he tried to do a victory hook fist.

- The cartwheels.

It was awesome fun. I wasn't drinking myself that night because I didn't bring anything and the only available stuff was cheap beer. But it was fun, everyone was having fun, I got to hang out with my friends on a non-Rocky related event and there was delicious food provided by Grimmy at the end. A truly beautiful afternoon.

After realizing that planning a wedding in little over a month is FUCKING STUPID WHY THE HELL DID I PICK THAT DATE THIS IS DUMB AND LAME AND STRESSES ME OUT!

I have decided, with a little help from Sarah, that instead my wedding will be taking place on my 21st birthday. Gives me more time to plan, more time to save, and Jesus H Christ, I want to be able to walk into a bar and say "I just got married, give me a damned drink", completely decked out in my veil and dress.

And then later someone can take a picture of Dustin holding my veil back while I puke in the street. Oh, sweet memories.

Also, there is a possibility that I may be able to afford a Barfly Bus tour (http://www.barflymag.com/pages/barfly-bus-tours.html) for the reception. YAY NO ONE HAS TO DRIVE AND WE CAN ALL GET SUPER STUPID DRUNK! It is ONLY a possibility, though. If I can't afford it and if a lot of people actually WANT it to happen, I may end up taking up a collection so everyone can pitch in. Maybe. Depends on how people feel about it.

So yeah... wrote down the yardage of the fabric I will be needing and Dustin and I are going to Jo-Ann's Fabrics today to start looking and pricing and doing color swaths and such.

I have a feeling this is still going to kill me, but a little less now that I have more time. It will kill me more slowly than September 26th.

Step 1: Put your iTunes or equivalent on random.
Step 2: Post the first line from the first 30 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing,
Step 3: Bold/Strike out the songs when someone guesses correctly.
Step 4: Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is CHEATING!

ADDENDUM RULE: If the first line contains the title of the song, choose the second line, or the third, etc. If it's too prevalent and is just awkward, then, ya know, skip it.
GO! NOW!

1. The cleanest I've been. An end to the tears, and the in-between years, and the troubles I've seen.

( EMBARASSING MUSIC BEHIND HERE! )

I am not sleepy in the least.

Also, just got done watching the Ungroundable episode of South Park and I can't stop giggling at Gawth Butters.

Butters is my favorite.

That is all.

So, because they do not have enough Lights for the Rockypalooza, I have been roped into doing both Friday and Saturday's shows. Ugh. And I thought this weekend was going to be nice and calm.

Friday I have to get up early and head out to Beaverton to hang out with Lincoln because they're trying to get her to ship out early for Basic and we may not have a lot of time to see each other anymore. Then getting a ride with Mike Chu into Portland for the show.

Saturday is waking up hella early to go out to Beaverton AGAIN to have breakfast with Lyse, whom I adore and love and if she doesn't give me coffee I will rip her face off and break her hip and run away with her cane. (I love you, auntie. I really do.) And it doesn't stop there. Meeting some important people around 2:30, and then hopefully being able to rest/steal some nappings before I have to do Saturday nights show.

I will be pumping water into my body so much that I have to pee every twenty minutes, mostly because at the rehearsal show that we had last weekend, I felt like absolute shit, it was hot in the theater, and I danced so much I made myself sick. Literally. Had to go into the bathroom and force myself to throw up because I knew it was the only way I was going to make myself better. Overexposure to sun + not drinking enough water + putting my body through things that it normally doesn't do on a regular basis = SUPER SICK PUKEATRON ANNIE!

Needless to say, I don't fancy going through that again.

Victoria is making progress on getting her stuff in the house, and I'm really excited. I'm glad that she's living here instead of some random dope off of Craigslist. They were all flaky fuckers anyway. I mean, yeah, you CAN find places where rent is 300, but a HOUSE in a nice part of town IS NOT ONE OF THOSE PLACES! Sorry, still have a little bit of residual rage left over from the trying to find a roommate scramble.

And now I go and shower, for there is a BBQ at the Bordello tonight after rehearsal and I must wrangle up the teenaged lesbians that are snuggling in my living room.

Miss Teeny Tiny Devon is my new roommate. Along with her friend Renee who is super cute and fucking hilarious, and possibly another girl in a months time.

UNDERWEAR PARTY FOREVER YA'LL!

Seriously. I'm just happy to have someone in the house that I like, I know, I'm comfortable with, and I can get along with. Also someone who has no qualms about pinching my butt or giving me a hug just because.

Hopefully they'll be in by this weekend. It would be nice.

Also, Micheal Jackson is dead.

So, because Photobucket apparently hates my guts and keeps locking me out of my fucking account, you get no pictures.

Unless you're one of my Myspace friends. They are all up on Myspace, the few wedding pictures that I took, the very few of Pride Parade that I took, as well as random dead animal pictures.

So, if ya'ar a Myspace friend of mine, you can see them. If you aren't, you're SOL unless you want to be friends.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/lindseyweber/buffy-summers-vs-edward-cullen-ru

It's pretty damned funny, especially if you're someone who can't stand Twilight at ALL.

And if you like Twilight? Shame on you.