It seems to me that a lot of poly posts are cropping up in communities that I frequent, such as TheQuestionClub and AskTheKinksters (I am too lazy to deal with the html involved in putting the link to those communities up, but if you're interested in checking them out, they are in my friends list.)
And one was discussing "their brand of Poly" and it got me thinking about how Dustin and I roll with the poly/open relationship dealio.
We're with each other. I'm his primary, he's my primary. Right now we are not seeking anyone to add as a secondary or as a third for the relationship (mostly because he's straight and I get jealous with my toys so even as much as I love him, I would have a hard time sharing a pretty girlthing with him and vice versa)
If either one of us becomes interested in someone, there is a talk about it. Not a " Oh wow I really like this person and Imma go on a date with them!" talk. A " Hey, I really like this person and I want to talk to you about whether it would be a good idea at this point in our relationship if I were to start seeing another person." kinda talk.
And if we agree that it is an acceptable way to be moving, then a date happens. More talking happens and if that goes well, another date. There's been no specific time set on how long we have to be going on dates before sex is allowed, but it's been agreed that there should be some serious getting to know stuff going on, mentally, not physically.
And Dustin has veto power over who I sleep with, and vice versa. Now, realistically I could just veto a girl because I didn't like her, but that's what the talkings beforehand are for, because then I get to meet her and get a feel for her and I can make my choice then.
And really, I don't have to date someone to sleep with them. I could totally just have a sex buddy, as long as it was discussed beforehand and any changes are discussed with Dustin, like if my feelings change for the person, if any mistakes were made like not using a condom and the like.
Really, it all comes down to talking like mature adults and trying our best not to let too many personal feelings get in the way. If I feel I'm protesting too much and not having factual reasons to base the protests on, like "she's a big ol bucket of crazy" or " JESUS CHRIST, did you see her teeth? You're going to get gingivitis by just kissing her!", then I talk to him about it and the situation would probably get on hold until I can work my feelings out better.
Dustin and I love each other, very much. We discuss everything under the sun, because communication is so very important to us simply because we want to be aware of each other's feelings and be able to factor them into decisions that we make because they will affect the relationship. That and we've had far too many relationships where communication was not happening or the other person was just too thickheaded for anything to get through and it was ruined because of it.
I don't really know where I'm going with this, other than that's just my thoughts, and that's how Dustin and I roll. In case anyone was curious.